Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Crime of the Month!!!!!

I live in a relatively small, college town, where most people would say "nothing much ever happens here". But lately the crime blotter in the local paper has been full of wacky, borderline retarded crimes instead of the usual 50 "minors caught with alcohol" offenses. It's only the 12th of May, but there are already some solid contenders for the coveted title of......"MOST RETARDED CRIME OF THE MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There are a couple that are actually really tragic, like some deaths where the murderer only got 5 years in prison, but these 3 crimes were selected for MOST RETARDED CRIME OF THE MONTH based on the following criteria:
1) In the end, no one died
2) The perpetrators made one or more absolutely retarded decisions to get themselves in big time trouble.
And here are the nominees......I don't mean to judge before the courts have had their say, and everyone is innocent until proven guilty and all that, but I will be referring to the alleged perpetrators as "Bad Persons 1, 2, and 3".
CASE #1 - Loud Music Gives Away Crack Fiends.
Police went to an apartment because of complaints of very loud music. When they got there and Bad Person 1 answered the door, it reeked of marijuana smoke. Looking inside, the police found several baggies of pot and crack around a cute infant laying on the floor. Bad Person 1 and his girlfriend were arrested for posession, and the infant will probably wind up in a foster home.
Case #2 - Doctor repeatedly stabs.......self????
Bad Person 2, a respected doctor who was recently given a leave of absence by the hospital (reason is unknown so far) makes a trip to Chicago. He reports to the police that he was stabbed several times in a mugging downtown. However, many inconsistencies arise in his testimony, and he later admits he stabbed himself repeatedly and made up the story about muggers, so he is being charged with the felony offense of making false claims to police.

Case #3 - Guy beats up old man for driving slow.
Bad person 3 got extremely pissed off that someone in front of him was driving below the speed limit. Eventually, the slow driver realized he was being tailgated and pulled over to let Bad Person 3 pass. However, Bad Person 3 also pulled over, and the slow driver, an elderly gentleman, got out of the car to see what was wrong. Bad Person 3 proceeds to beat the crap out of the old man, in front of his wife who was sitting in the car, and is charged with assault.


****BONUS!!!****** Bad Person 3 was also charged with throwing a dead cat into a McDonald's drive-thru a few years ago.
So who has earned your vote for "MOST RETARDED CRIME OF THE MONTH"? Put your vote in the comments!

4 comments:

Dudel said...

HAHAHA-AH-HAHAHA!

I like your visual aids and the Bonus.

Hmm... well the Doctor is the least amusi- interesting but my vote for the "Dumbest Crime of the Month" goes to....

....Bad Person #1

ALSO: You could create a poll and throw it into your sidebar.

bagalagalaga said...

Good idea with the side bar poll, it would have been nice if you could add the checkboxes (like the funny, cool, awesome ones) at the end of just one entry. I also would like to have the link up there in the poll so you could jump to it. I'm sure it's not tough, but a web designer I am not.

Dudel said...

What you do there is add two gadgets to your page. An html or text gadget as well as the poll.

First goes the html/text gadget (doesn't matter as they both work the same except for one is html format and one is template format). You label the text/html gadget "Crime of the Month" then place the poll right under it with the vote options. :)

bagalagalaga said...

That sounds like a good simple solution, I wound up pasting the link into the code for the poll widget in the template. So far your vote is dominating as well....