IDIOTIC CRIME OF THE MONTH - "E" For Effort

Here's our third "lucky" contestant for the title of IDIOTIC CRIME OF THE MONTH!!!!

This is another beautiful memory brought to us by the magic of alcohol (I have a Sprecher Abbey Trippel right now, but no spray paint in sight so I should be ok). At 4am, cops noticed a man spray painting the middle of a lane on one of the main streets leading into downtown. He dropped the spray paint and ran inside when he saw them. He answered when the police knocked, and they told him he would be charged for cleaning up the street, and since he reeked of alcohol, would also be arrested for public intoxication if he came back out that night. So obviously he stayed inside, and the story is over.

BUT WAIT!!!!! At 6am, the cops swung back by, and the guy was back out finishing his spray paint masterpiece on the street. As promised, he was arrested for public intoxication and property damage. Obviously this man was a true artist. What was the artistic vision he had, that he absolutely HAD to share with the world, even if it meant arrest, fines, or worse?

Crime of the Month Candidate - The PITA PISSER

It's about time the Arby's masterbator got some competition for IDIOTIC CRIME OF THE MONTH!!!! Again, suspect is innocent until an extremely small amount of work proves him/her guilty...

After an evening of drinking, our gentleman decides to stop at the Pita Pit for a bite to eat (I should thank him for choosing that particular place, it made writing the title so easy). We may never know how much he drank, but it was enough that he forgot 20+ years of potty training. The guy just casually started pissing in the middle of the kitchen area as staff looked on in shock. They called the cops, who fortunately caught him, so we could hear this gem of a statement:

“I regret my actions. They were stupid and not well thought out. I feel sorry for the actions.”

 So, he thought it out a little bit, but just not quite enough to make it work?
BONUS: I guess in an effort to be as thorough as possible, or add some length to the short article, the paper mentioned several times that the police noticed that he smelled of zesty Italian salad dressing, apparantly a key piece of evidence in this case.